


A Very Bunker Christmas

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Fluff - mostly of the Christmas variety, M/M, Team Free Will participate in the most classic of Christmas stuff, brief mentions of Dorothy/Charlie and Sam/Amelia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>25 Christmas one-shots of Team Free Will doing the most classic of Christmas events, like snowball fighting, making snow angels and decorating their Christmas tree.</p><p>A new one will be posted daily through the days of Advent.</p><p>Lack of inspiration/time has reduced this to only 22 one-shots!! Sorry!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snow Angels

**Author's Note:**

> I previously had these as individual stories, but I decided to de-clutter everything, so I'll just keep it in one. :D

When the snow first falls in Kansas, they don't really notice. They're under ground and very rarely venture out nowadays. Sometimes it's because they go on hunts; most of the time it's because they need food, but almost as if sensing the oncoming snow, Dean and Cas wandered through the supermarket, picking up enough food that Sam says would last them a month. 

Dean knows better though, knows whilst Sam's a health freak, he's a health freak with a bottomless pit instead of a stomach. He also knows that Kevin's got over his need to hardly eat or sleep in favour of deciphering the Angel Tablet, and has also realised that Cas seems to be catching up on five years of never having to eat. 

And it's not like he doesn't like food.

So when the first snow falls, they don't notice, and it isn't until Sam comes back from a run, shaking and shivering and drenched to the bone that he declares, 'It's snowing.' 

He doesn't say more and plans on just going to the shower room to get warm and clean and just to feel better in general. But Dean, being the one to normally get overexcited about little things like this, perks up and his eyes shift straight to the door of the Bunker. He turns and watches his brother's retreating form with a frown and before he disappears completely, decides to stop him.

'Sammy!'

Sam stops and turns back to him, grimacing when his soggy running jumper squelches as he moves. 

'What?' 

'Where the hell are you going? First snow fall, remember?' Dean waves his hand to the door and ignores the way that Cas and Sam are looking at him, because Sam didn't even think about their little tradition and well… that sucks in Dean's mind. 

'Really, Dean? We're _middle-aged_.' Sam retorts but he moves back into the main room, crossing his arms over his chest as he grins at his older brother.

'Who you calling "middle-aged" you cheeky son of a bitch?' Dean stands from his chair and then pulls on the jacket that's hanging over the back of the seat he was sitting on. 'Stop whining and c'mon! We've got angels to make!' 

'Angels?' Cas speaks up for the first time, and Dean whirls around to face him and his face falls. Shit. He didn't even think about how Cas may react to it. After all, it is only harmless snow angels they make on the first snow fall but Cas sometimes has a habit of overreacting. 

'Yeah, uh, snow angels. I'll show you if you want.' Dean ventures because he doesn't want Cas to feel left out, but he doesn't want to feel as if they're mocking him. That's the last thing he'd want to do to Cas.

Thankfully, Cas just nods his head and stands from his seat as well, waiting for Dean to move so he could follow him outside. Dean turns back to Sam who sighs and shakes his head.

'I'm making _one_ , Dean, then I'm coming back in for a shower. I'm getting too old for stuff like this.' Sam mutters before he motions for Dean to move and even though he's a little put off by Sam's last comment, he turns on his heel and makes his way up the stairs that will take them outside to where the snow is waiting. 

Dean grabs ahold of Kevin's shoulder on the way out as he passes him, noticing how he was trying to slink away and starts to tug him along, and when he starts moving on his own accord, Dean finally lets him go.

They all groan and shiver the second they step into the cold air, even Sam who had been out in it only five minutes ago, but the Bunker was always so toasty warm.

'Right, c'mon you asshole; get this over and done with.' Sam orders as he sniffles back the snot that's already started dripping from his nose. He hates the cold; he hates the winter and he just wants to go and take a shower, and then start hibernating inside the Bunker until it's all over. 

'Jesus, what happened to your Christmas cheer, giant grinch?' Dean rolls his eyes but moves over to the large opening that has been painted white with the snow and he waits until Sam is by his side, before they both fall back onto the snow in unison, grins on their lips. 

'You are such a liar.' Dean declares before he spreads his arms on either side of him, grin widening when Sam does the same, a laugh breaking free from his lips and they start to move them up and down, shifting the snow as they create their wings. 

It takes them back to when Dean was twelve-years-old and Sam was only eight-years-old, and they were disappointed they were stuck in a place on a hunt that didn't get enough snow for their traditional making of snow angels. Dad was away and Dean noticed how disappointed Sam was, so instead he decided to improvise; the sand wasn't as fluffy as snow but in the end, it still made them smile the same. 

They both finish at the same time, after they each do fifteen strokes each, which they have realised over the years makes the _perfect_ snow angel; deep enough the wings are visible, but not too deep that the ground starts to show. 

'Right, I'm going back in.' Sam declares as he dusts himself of the snow he had gathered, but before he moves he turns to Kevin and Cas, pointing back to his snow angel with a warning look on his face. 'No-one touch my angel!' 

He can say when he wants but he still makes a perfect snow angel and no-one is going to ruin it. 

'Yeah, I'm coming with you.' Kevin states but before he can move, Dean has pushed him backwards and he lands on his ass with a grunt. 

'Make an angel, then you can go.' Dean declares and the look on his face is enough to make Kevin fall onto back and spread his arms on either side of him. He waves his arms in the snow only three times before he stands and goes back inside the Bunker, because being too cold is something he can never deal with. It looks pathetic near Sam and Dean's, but it was still made by Kevin, so Dean finds he doesn't care.

'Right Cas, you do one and then we can go back in. I'm freezing my fucking balls off here.' He states rubbing his hands together trying to warm them up. Cas doesn't move but when Dean warns, 'Lie down or I'll push you down,' he finally lies on his back with nothing more than a small groan. 

He's only just heard of snow angels and it's the first time he's made one, but he just watched Sam, Dean and Kevin make one, so he knows what he's doing. He also noticed that Sam and Dean moved their arms fifteen times so, he does it the same amount of times as well. 

Once he's finished, he stands and moves so he can regard his work and almost smiles when he realises that it does, kind of, resemble wings. 

But then his smile falls off his lips when he realises that there was once a time there would've been no need for this silly thing; he would just have to focus and his inky black wings would pour from his shoulders. Now, the closest he's going to get to having wings, to being an Angel once more, is moving his arms fifteen times in the snow. 

'What's wrong, Cas?' Dean's voice draws him from his thoughts and he turns to find Dean staring at him with concern on his face.

'I just wish I still had my wings; that I was still useful.' Cas declares brokenly and Dean reaches out and cups Cas' face with both of his hands. 

'Look, Cas, how many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't matter; wings or not, you're still just as important to us; just as important to me, understand?' Dean states and with Dean's question, Cas nods his head as much as he can with Dean's hands still framing his face. 'And knowing how much of a dick other Angels actually are has taken away the fun from these stupid snow angels anyways.'

And when Cas smiles and lets out a small chuckle, Dean can't help but lean in and cover it with his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	2. Snowball Fight

They're a little unsure on how it started. They were out buying groceries and even though Dean now parks Baby in the garage they finally discovered thanks to Dorothy, the walk to the kitchen is easier through the front door than through the garage. So, that's what they do. Dean parks the Impala right outside the front door and they shuffle inside with four bags of shopping each. Kevin opted to stay at home and Sam was all for doing that as well, but whilst Dean never managed to convince their adopted little brother, he did manage to convince Sam to going the shopping trip with him and Cas.

Cas, it turns out, loves going shopping and Dean's not sure if it's because he likes slipping stupid little things like a pack of multi-coloured elastic bands into his trolley as they walk around the store, or if it's because he just likes spending the time with Dean. 

Dean teases him about it being the latter, but secretly can't stop smiling and feeling ecstatic about the fact it's not so much teasing but truth.

They're stocking up, hibernating according to Sam, and after twelve bags of groceries now inside the Bunker and only one left to go, Dean's starting to think he's right. Though, he can't blame anyone for wanting to stay inside the Bunker and never venture out again until it's warm again.

Dean slams the trunk of the Impala shut after lifting the final bag of shopping and when he turns around, and finds Sam staring at him with a far too innocent look on his face, he doesn't know whether to be worried or simply suspicious.

'What the hell are you planning?' He demands but he doesn't really need to ask. The snow is five inches thick and crunching beneath his feet, and when he sees the dip in the previously smooth surface of snow beside Sam's side, his thoughts are confirmed. 'Don't you dare, Sammy.' 

Dean holds up the shopping as if that will suddenly stop his brother and make him change his mind, but if anything, it causes Sam's smirk to widen. Cas is standing beside Sam with a frown on his face, looking between the Winchester brothers. 

He doesn't get the chance to ask the question of "what's going on?" when Sam suddenly pulls his arm out from behind his back, and Cas just gets to see a medium-sized ball of snow in his gloved hand, before it's being hurled towards Dean. 

'Son of a bitch.' Dean hisses as he drops the plastic bag, thankfully aware that there's nothing that can smash or spill inside it, and having a small moment of victory when he realises that it's Sam's stupid fruit that he insists on buying. He dives out of the way, missing the oncoming snowball before he looks up to see Sam's head thrown back as he laughs loudly, the sound echoing around in the otherwise empty outside.

Dean scoops up a snowball, gently patting it into a round shape as he says, 'Yeah, Sammy, you got me.' 

Sam shakes his head and before he's fully aware of what's happening, Dean throws the snowball at Sam and sees the look of pure surprise on his brother's face before the snowball hits him square on the face. 

It's Dean's turn to laugh; head thrown back, sides sore and tears stinging his eyes. He falls back onto his ass, hands clutching his sides as his brother wipes the snow from his face, ranting and calling Dean every single name under the sun, but Dean just keeps laughing with his deep rumble. 

However, he's soon cut off when a snowball hits him on the side of his face, mostly on his jaw and he ends up falling on to his back with an "oof" from the surprise of the attack.

He recovers quickly though, ready to snap Sam's head off but when he sits up straight, he sees Sam laughing and clapping his hand on Cas' shoulder.

'Jesus, that was brilliant, Cas!' Sam declares through his chuckles and Dean's eyes turn to Cas, who's wearing a small smile on his dry lips, but also has his eyes just a little too wide as if he's trying to act innocent. 

No way was he pulling it off, though. 

'Oh, so the baby in a trench-coat wants to play with the big boys?' Dean grins before he stands, discreetly scooping up some snow in his hand as he does so, but before he manages to throw his snowball to Cas, another one hits him just below his neck and he crushes the snowball in his hand as he fights to steady himself.

'I don't know, Dean, baby's don't have that good hand-eye coordination.' Sam grins before he throws his arm around Cas' shoulder and starts to steer him inside the Bunker, leaning down to pick up the discarded shopping bag that Dean had dropped.

Sam drops his arm from around Cas' shoulder as he heads back into the warm shelter of the Bunker; Cas sends Dean one more teasing grin before he too turns, planning on following Sam inside, but he doesn't even make it a step when Dean is suddenly wrapping his arms around Cas' waist and tackling him to the ground.

Cas lands face first in the snow, sinking deep through the several inches with Dean on his back, but he thaws out of his shock straight away, desperately trying to get the hunter off his back and pin him to the ground instead.

He realises, after a minute or two of struggling, that his plan is never going to work, however. When he was an Angel he had limitless power, could move Dean and tip him over with the lightest push of his pinky finger, but now, now Dean has more weight and more strength that his vessel… than his body has and he grunts, giving up and falling still.

'Give up?' Dean chuckles before he shifts his weight and rolls Cas over so he's lying on his back instead of his stomach.

'You're an assbutt.' Cas declares, ripping another laugh from Dean's lips and he's too busy laughing his face burying in Cas' chest that he doesn't see what Cas is doing, until it's too late. 

Cas' picks up and handful of snow and when he realises that Dean is no longer paying attention to him, he crushes the snow -  that's turning his fingers red and causing them to nip -  into Dean's hair. 

Dean squeals a very manly squeal in his mind before jerking his head off Cas' chest, his eyes narrowed as he watches Cas convulse with laughter beneath him.

And he doesn't really care if it's the most clichéd thing he's ever done, because it's snowing and they're fucking lying in it, but he leans down and presses his lips to Cas in a soft kiss, swallowing his laughter and making him shiver with something completely different than the cold air surrounding them.

Dean readjusts himself once more, moving so most of his weight is pressing against Cas' body, they're bodies one long line and Dean smiles into the kiss as Cas' hands settle on his hips and his tongue comes out to tickle Dean's lower lip.

Dean's just about to part his lips when someone clears their throat and they stop, looking up to find Sam leaning against the door of the Bunker, raised eyebrow as he watches Dean and Cas still lying in the snow, obviously shaking and freezing cold, but apparently too busy making out to move.

'Not that you two aren't being adorable,' Sam calls, pausing to roll his eyes to make them aware that he is, in fact, joking before he continues, 'but if you don't move your asses you're gonna get pneumonia and I'm not in the mood to drive you to the hospital.' 

Sam then turns on his heel and heads back into the Bunker, leaving the door open for the two lovebirds, and with one final kiss, they stand and follow him inside, still giggling like teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	3. Christmas Tree

There’s only one tree in the Bunker. It’s a real one from the forest just outside it, Dean cut it down himself. At first, Sam talked about just buying a horrible cheap plastic thing but after Dean kindly pointed out that no stupid ass plastic tree was going to be adorning his Bunker, well, that’s when they agreed to chop down one of the evergreens just outside.

Another thing Dean thought about was whether to just have the one or not. He knew the tradition is just one tree, but the Bunker is in no way a tiny four bedroom house; it was never ending, they’re still discovering new rooms weekly, but that idea was quickly shot to hell the moment Dean cut down the first tree and realised there was no fucking way he was doing that again. 

It stands under the staircase that leads them to the main entrance for the Bunker. It’s slightly crooked and there are one or two bald spots from where Dean broke the branches dragging it inside and then down the stairs. 

The four of them are staring at it, Dean simply admiring his handiwork, Sam just staring at the tree to humour his brother and fighting back the desire to tell him he really shouldn’t have cut down a tree anyway; Cas has his head cocked to the side as he tries to figure out what’s so special about the green tree in front of them and Kevin couldn’t look more bored if he tried. 

'Are we going to decorate this thing or what? I'm tired of staring at it.' Kevin declares as he stands up straighter, waving his hand to the box of Christmas decorations they had found in one room inside the Bunker. It also includes the decorations that Dean bought even after they discovered the box from the Bunker because he was just so excited at having a place to finally decorate at Christmas. 

'Yeah,' Dean turns to them, his grin widening as he picks up the box and walks over to the tree with it, placing it on the floor just beside the tree. 'Right, c'mon, if we work together it'll be done quicker which means I can start baking the pie sooner.' 

It doesn’t take long between the four of them and by the time they’re finished, the tree has four different styles of decoration. Dean has meticulously placed each ornament and piece of tinsel so it look pretty and tidy; Sam’s pretty much the same but somehow, it still manages to look different, maybe because he very rarely uses any tinsel on his quarter, not that anyone can blame him, the tinsel they have reminds him too much of glitter, something he’s been scared off of ever since those clowns nearly killed him. He still hasn’t forgiven Dean for taking him back to that dump. 

Kevin’s decorating consisted of him throwing the tinsel at the tree hoping it would stick, whilst sporadically placing ornaments or baubles on the branches; Cas, who is still fairly new to celebrating Christmas like this, as a human, opts for copying Dean mostly and places a new piece of tinsel or a new ornament only when Dean does, and only on the corresponding place on his side of the tree.

When they all step away from the tree, moving back to their previous position, gazing at the tree once more they realise just how awkward it looks with the different styling.

'Still gorgeous.' Dean murmurs when Sam finally brings this up and his eyes trail over the tree, because yeah, it is still gorgeous. Okay, it's not straight out of a magazine with the ornaments all matching and pretty and there's no coordination to how it's decorated, and okay, so maybe there's no Angel on the top but… Dean does a double take and his eyes immediately go to the tip of the tree, only to see it bare. 

His eyes look at the box and notice there’s no figurine in there.

His face falls when he realises this because what’s a Christmas tree without an Angel at the top of it? He thinks about going out to the nearest shop and trying to find one, even if it’s just one of those small, ugly looking things that look more demonic than angelic, but when he turns his head to the side and locks eyes with Castiel, he suddenly gets an idea; one that has him chuckling so much that his ribs start to hurt.

'What?' Cas questions and Dean wipes tears away, turning to see that Cas, Kevin and Sam are looking at him like he's officially cracked.

Dean chuckles once more and shakes his head, wrapping his arm around Cas’ shoulder and pulling him into his side. 

'Nothing, just thinking that we should have totally stuck Cas up on the top of the tree.' He declares with another chuckle before pressing a kiss to Cas' temple to soothe the annoyed huff that comes from his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	4. Sledging

He's never been sledging. Of course he hasn't. His father never really let them celebrate Christmas anyway, he honestly can't remember the last time their dad was actually present for the day but he didn't care now, his father missed a lot of things that Dean's starting to realise he resents him for. So, no, he's never been sledging, even though he's always wanted to.

So, maybe that's why he nearly jumps out of his skin with excitement when Sam come home one day, two sledges in hand and a goofy grin on his face.

'Sammy?' 

'There's this _massive_ hill not far from here,' he declares, before going on to tell Dean that whilst he normally runs up it at the end of every week just so he can push himself - dude _really_? -  but that he couldn't today because of how much snow was on it. He then says that when he was out picking up one or two things, he saw the sledges, thought of the hill and of his rather childish big brother, and couldn't help himself. 

'Sammy, you're _awesome_!' Dean says as he jumps from his seat, moving over to take one sledge from his little brother's grasp. It's just a cheap plastic sledge, bright red with a bit of blue string to either hold on to or drag it about with, but Dean has no doubt that it will still do its purpose. 

'Cas! Get your ass out here!' Dean shouts, calling his friend out from whatever corner he had secluded himself in with a book, and when Cas suddenly appears, he holds the cheap sledge up and his grin widens, 'We're going sledging!' 

Cas has learnt not to protest to Dean whenever he wants to do something like this, even though the last time he wanted to try something adventurous and new it ended with Castiel getting a broken arm that had him in a foul mood for _months_. 

Instead, he just rolls his eyes at Dean as he dog-ears the page on his book, leaving it on the nearest counter before grabbing his warm woollen jacket from the back of the chair where he'd thrown it last night, and slips it on without a word. 

'Kevin?' 

'No,' is the sharp reply they get and Dean purses his lips but decides not to pressure him into doing something this time. No matter how much he wants all of his family there. 

'Right, c'mon!' 

The trek to the hill is longer than Dean thought and Dean doesn't shut up about how Sam runs this length just to then run up a hill and won't stop asking what's wrong with his brother, because there's got to be something seriously wrong with him if he willingly runs this length, then runs up a hill, back down the hill and then run the length again to get back to the Bunker. 

Sam just huffs in return, walking just that little bit faster that makes Dean nearly pant in order to keep up with.

By the time they get to the foot of the hell, all the amusement Dean had felt has definitely drained from him, and his face falls the second he sees just how big and _steep_ the fucking hill is.

'No fucking way.' He says but Sam just rolls his eyes, grabs his brother's arm and starts dragging him up the hill, ignoring all the protests that pours out of Dean's mouth. Cas follows behind them but grabs ahold of Dean's arm when he manages to slip out of Sam's grasp.

'Don't be such a baby.' Cas orders as he starts pulling Dean up and by the time they reach the peak, Dean is panting just a little bit harder than before and is suddenly regretting his determination to go sledging. 

'We've only got two sledges though.' Sam declares as he throws his down on the ground and goes to step into it. 

'Don't worry, Cas and I will share this one, won't we?' Dean turns back to look at Cas with a grin on his lips, and whilst Cas rolls his eyes, he also nods his head in reply to Dean's question. 'See! Right c'mon Sammy!'

Sam sits down on the sledge but before he's fully positioned and comfortable, Dean's giving his back a firm push, sending him down the hill and he just manages to grab onto the piece of string to stop him from toppling off it completely.

'Dean you dick!' Sam calls back but it loses its desired effect when he lets out a sharp bark of laughter as the sledge starts to gain momentum, the snow and ice being the perfect combination to carry the sledge down the hill at a brilliant speed.

He crashes and falls off it the second he reaches the bottom, tumbling into the snow but there's still laughter in his voice when he turns back to Dean and tells him to have a go, and the look on his face just reminds Dean of that night when they took the fireworks to the empty clearing. 

Without another word, he clambers onto the sledge and a moment later, he feels Cas do the same, sliding in behind him and after a brief moment of deliberation, he locks his arms around Dean's waist. Dean settles one hand over Cas' locked hands, a smile finding its way onto his lips.

'Here's to broken childhoods.' He says before he kicks off and gives the sledge the momentum it needs to get moving. 

The wind rushes into their face, ice cold and almost cutting them to the bone, but it's just what they wanted, needed, expected. A giggle breaks free from Cas' lips and a moment later, Dean can't help but join in. There's a shout or two from Dean, and a reassuring tightening of Cas' arms around Dean's waist. 

By the time they stop, both of them falling off to the side with the suddenness of it, they're a laughing mess, both of them laughing so loud that the noise scares several birds away. 

'I would very much like to do that again.' Cas declares as he rolls into a sitting position, looking at Dean with a wide smile on his lips, his eyes wide with wonder and he looks back up to the hill. 

'C'mon man, give me time to recover.' Dean argues but Cas just shakes his head and stands, grabbing ahold of the sledge and going to follow Sam, who had started making his way back up the hill for another go himself with so much enthusiasm that if there were stairs, he'd be taking them three at a time. 

'Jesus Christ, _fine_!' Dean sighs, standing up and rolling his eyes the second Cas turns his attention back to him, just because he knows it'll annoy him a little. 

But Cas pays him no heed and with a grin on his lips, Cas just grabs ahold of Dean's hand and drags him back up the hill for another go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> meh, not my best work but it's a break from my college work so I'm not gonna complain!!


	5. Presents for Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> Not so much a one-shot but me headcanoning what the other members of TFW would get Dean for Christmas. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

Buying presents for each of them is a little hard, after all, they've not got any need for the majority of the "classic" Christmas presents - for instance, when would Dean or Sam have time for a PS4? - and it's not like they have the money to just randomly throw away. 

But it's Christmas and they want everyone to have a present to open from the others on Christmas Day. 

Cas immediately thinks about what to get Dean before he thinks about anyone else's, mainly because he knows Dean will be the hardest to buy - or simply chose for, seeing as he has no money and would rather let the others use it - so he reckons he deserves the most amount of time to be thought about. 

He tries subtly asking Dean but in the end, all he gets is Dean telling him that he doesn't need anything and shooting down all ideas that Cas manages to discreetly drop - c'mon Cas, why the _fuck_ would I need one of _those_ for? - and he gives up with the idea of Dean helping him.

Sam isn't even helpful either, seeing as he's just opting for the usual and deciding to just get Dean some porn - he asked whether that would annoy Cas, seeing as they were together now but Cas merely cocked his head and told him he'd bought porn for Dean before, so why would it bother him? Sam stated he was going to drink to forget that, before turning and leaving Cas alone - as well as a frame for the photo of their mom that's still just resting against the lampshade in Dean's room.

Cas then turns to Kevin, but realises that he's still fairly new to this life and living with the Winchester's instead of his mom, and hasn't really got over the fact he's celebrating his first Christmas without her, so has decided to splurge just a little and has decided to buy Dean the Star Wars collection on DVD seeing as it hasn't been on TV recently and Dean's been complaining non-stop about that. 

Cas smiles at him and agrees that it would be an amazing present and will put a wide smile on Dean's face when he opens it, but realises that he's not going to get any help from Kevin on what to get Dean either. 

It's two weeks before Christmas and Cas is starting to worry but as he sits in his room - the one that he used to sleep in before him and Dean finally saw sense and realised that they wanted to be together, the one that now holds all of his little hobbies, mostly yarn and his favourite books that he doesn't want to return to the library - he gets an idea. 

Dean hardly comes in here, sees it as Cas' space and only Cas' space and only comes when he brings Cas coffee or tells him they're going somewhere and asks if Cas wants to come, but the last time he was in, Cas was knitting a scarf - knitting is _very_ therapeutic, he's discovered - and Dean's eyes landed on a deep burgundy wool and had said it was the nicest yarn Cas owned. 

He also made a comment - though Cas couldn't tell if he was being teasing or serious, or even doing that seriously teasing thing that Dean has a habit of doing - about how Cas hadn't knitted Dean anything yet, and he's been back in the Bunker and knitting for a year and three months now.

So, with this in mind, he breaks out the two balls of the deep burgundy yarn that he has, along with his needles and gets to work, hoping that Dean won't come looking for him today, because this is going to be a surprise and hopefully one that Dean will love. 

But surely he's going to love a jumper made from the yarn he loved the most, right? Cas nods his head, of course he is, and he doesn't even think that he won't because he's _finally_ figured out what to get Dean for his Christmas, and he can't stand the idea of thinking Dean might not even like it.

Then again, when has Dean ever hated something Cas gave him?


	6. Mulled Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek with this one, tbh

They should've known it would've ended like this. Kevin and Sam should've known that is. They _know_ just how much of a lightweight Cas is when it comes to alcohol, and it's not like Dean went easy with the quantity of drink that he shoved into the mulled wine; aside from the two bottles of port, there was a decent amount of brandy, whiskey and a teensy bit of vodka to "give it a kick". Sam pointed out that it was less like mulled wine and more like a cocktail, but Dean said there was still nutmeg and orange and all the other spices in there, so _technically_ it's still mulled wine, before taking the bowl to the table and setting it in front of Cas.

That's when Sam should have intervened; that's when Sam should have walked over, picked the bowl up and tipped it down the sink before telling Dean not to be so fucking stupid, because Cas is no longer an Angel who needs to drink an entire liquor store just to feel a _buzz_ ; this is Cas who usually has a beer or two and ends up tipsy; who did four rounds of shots and ended up being sick. 

However, Sam doesn't do this because he thinks his brother will have the sense to stop refilling Cas' glass once he starts getting tipsy, and he should haven known his trust was going to be misplaced. 

It's not that they don't like the idea of Cas getting drunk and enjoying himself, it's more the fact that humanity and no longer having a disappointment in God has changed Cas from a grumpy drunk to a flirty drunk. Thankfully, he's only flirty with Dean but that doesn't make it easier to watch or deal with. 

It's actually how Dean started to realise that maybe, just _maybe_ his feeling his were returned when Cas started rambling on about how pretty Dean's eyes were and how nice he looked that day, or that he missed him so much when he Fell and just thought about getting home to Dean - no mention of Sam or Kevin or whatever, none at all. 

Now, though, Dean and Cas were together; were ridiculously cute with each other, small touches and kisses around the Bunker, quick touches and pecks when they're out in public because they don't like doing things like that when strangers can see them… that is until they get drunk, then they don't give a damn.

They're always trying hard not to make Sam and Kevin uncomfortable with their relationship, but after they explained that they were just so happy that they finally got their shit together and _got_ together, they didn't give a fuck what they did. 

Even so, they kept things small and quiet, but they seem to forget about that when they get a fucking drink in them. Sam knows Dean's tolerance for alcohol is high, fucking astonishingly high, and knows that he's not as drunk as he always pretends to be when Cas is, but seeing Cas drunk and carefree seems to do something to Dean and he apparently gets drunk off of Cas' happiness and elation. 

'How long do you think it'll take before they realise we're still here?' Kevin questions as he watches Dean double over onto Cas' lap as he laughs loudly. Sam screws his face up at the noise and turns to Kevin, shrugging his shoulder as they watch both of their friends straighten up once more and start talking again.

'Fine, how long do you think it'll take before they start screwing this time?' Kevin asks, thinking that it's a much easier question for Sam to answer.

Sam, who's just about to answer is saved from any reply at all when Cas' lips descend onto Dean's and his hand comes up and cups the back of Dean's neck, pulling him impossibly closer. 

Sam sighs, 'I'm guessing five seconds.' Sam retorts, standing with Kevin as Cas swings his leg over Dean's lap and moves until he's straddling him, his other hand coming up to cup Dean's cheek, framing his face with both hands. 

'I hate them.' Kevin declares when Dean moans loud and unashamed as Cas grinds down onto him, and Sam can do nothing but nod his head in agreement, and then turn and follow him out of the room when Dean moans even louder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	7. Christmas Pudding

'Dude, we're not having _pie_!' Sam snaps as he pushes away the apples that Dean has bought specifically for the purpose of making apple pie for their Christmas dessert.

'And why the hell not?' Dean retorts as he stops the apples from falling to the ground because bruised apples are never good for pie, it makes them mushy and just plain ugh!

He doesn't even know why the hell Sam is so determined to stop him from baking the trial pie for the Christmas dinner. It's not like there's anything bad about apple pie and it's not like there's anyone inside the Bunker that doesn't like it! Okay, so they probably don't like it as much as Dean himself does, but there's no denying that Dean makes awesome apple pie, so why the hell is his brother throwing a fit over it? 

'Apple pie is not a Christmas dessert, Dean! You're supposed to have the classic Christmas pudding!' Sam replies and when he sees the way Dean's face screws up, as if he's about to say "who cares about tradition?", he continues, 'and do not give me that pathetic excuse you've got on your tongue! You're the one who's said it's got to be a traditional Christmas dinner, with the turkey and stuffing and the three courses! You can't have a traditional Christmas dinner without having the traditional Christmas pudding!' 

Dean thinks about protesting but in reality, he knows that his brother is going to win this one. He can't believe he was stupid enough to utter the words "traditional Christmas" to someone like Sammy. The idiot was so determined to follow through on little things like this all the time, Dean should've known better.

He's just about to nod his head and tell Sam that okay, they'll put the apples to use for something else and will instead find a recipe for Christmas pudding and give that a go tonight instead, when another voice comes from the threshold of the kitchen.

'You could have both.' Cas declares as he looks from Sam to Dean. The only reason he's recommending it is because he hates seeing Dean look upset and he knows it's not a good habit, but he doesn't like it when Dean doesn't get everything he wants; a person as amazing as a Dean, a soul as pure as Dean's deserves all of their heart's desires.

'There's no way we're going to eat a Christmas pudding and a pie, Cas!' Sam replies but Cas has already done what he intended to, he's set the seed in Dean's mind and that's all he needs, because before Cas can even think about replying, Dean is doing it for him.

'But both will last till Boxing Day, easy! We don't even know if Charlie likes Christmas pudding, and you know she's bringing Dorothy, and God knows what she likes! It's not like it's going to go to waste, is it Sammy? You know what Christmas is like! You eat much more than you normally do.' Dean turns to Cas with a wide smile on his face, that Cas ends up mirroring because how can you not reply to a smile as wide and joyful as Dean's? 'Thanks babe, that's a fucking brilliant idea!' 

Dean doesn't even wait for Sam to protest, merely moves away and starts getting everything ready to cook the practice pie like he had previously wanted to do, ignoring both Sam and Cas, and missing how Sam walks over to stand by Cas, shaking his head at his brother's antics and smirking down at Cas.

'You spoil him.' Sam declares softly but Cas doesn't miss the tone in his voice, as if he's thankful that Cas cares this much for his brother that he's willing to do anything for him. 

'Sam, I pulled him from Hell, do you seriously think I'm going to stop him from baking pie?' Cas retorts and the only reply he gets is a bark of laughter from Sam.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	8. Turkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know American's have turkey for Thanksgiving, but do you also have it for Christmas?? I'm not sure, but we're just gonna pretend that you do even if you don't because that's all my cute little Scottish ass knows about. Okay?? Okay!!
> 
> And it's not as long as the others but i didn't really know what to do with the prompt, so yeah. hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

'Should we try for a fresh one?' Dean enquires as they make their way around the supermarket. Surprisingly, it's not as busy as they feared it would be and there's still a decent amount of stock, despite it being near enough seven pm. He has no idea what caused him to drag Cas out at this time for some last minute food shopping, but here they were anyway.

'A fresh what?' Cas mutters in reply as he picks up the bottle of cranberry sauce that Dean pointed out to him, before he turns and sits it in the cart.

'Turkey, you idiot.' Dean mutters before pointing him to some sultanas for the Christmas pudding. 'Do you think we should just get a frozen one tonight or see if we can find somewhere to get a fresh one?'

'What and kill it ourselves? I don't know how I feel about that, Dean.' 

'Jesus Christ, Cas! We're not gonna kill it ourselves, by fresh I just mean, y'know, it hasn't been killed nearly a month ago and then frozen!' Dean shakes his head as he picks up some brussels sprouts as they reach the refrigerated section. 

When they reach the turkeys, he stops because he still hasn't decided yet and Cas isn't helping him make his decision, really… well that is until Cas reaches into the freezer and pulls out a large turkey and places it in the shopping cart, before turning to Dean, who just raises his eyebrow in questioning.

'Don't you think it'd be better to eat the already killed turkey, than going and killing one that didn't have to die?' Cas asks and he cocks his head to the side in the manner that Dean has realised means "I've got a million different replies in a million different languages to your lame ass excuse, do you want to go there?", so he just decides to sigh and shake his head.

He starts moving the cart again, throwing an arm over Cas' shoulder and pulling him into his side because it's late and there's no-one about and he doesn't feel as stupid doing this when there's no-one about. Not because he's embarrassed about doing stuff like this with Cas, it's just, the very idea of _public display of affection_ makes him want to shiver in disgust and vomit. 

He turns and presses a kiss to Cas' temple, who rolls his eyes but wraps his arm around Dean's waist in return.

'You are such a kiss ass.' 

Dean grins, pressing another kiss to Cas' temple, 'I'd take that as an insult if you didn't enjoy me kissing your hippy ass so much,' Dean retorts before leaning in to kiss Cas' reddening cheek with a chuckle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	9. Presents for Sam

For everyone, buying presents for Sam isn't that that little bit easier like they expected; if anything, it's even harder than thinking of something for Dean.

Dean doesn't want to get him the usual crap. Sure, they haven't got much money on them, but the last thing he wants to get his brother, after all the shit they've been through together - after almost  _losing_ him permanently last year - he's determined to get him something that  _means_ something.

Of course, this  _is_ easier said than done, because what do you give a man who's biggest wish it to get out of the hunting life and have a family of his own? What do you give a man who doesn't view the Bunker as home but more his place of work? What do you give a man who doesn't want anything because he knows, in the end, it'll be forgotten when something happens and they have to leave again?

If he could, he'd drive Sammy to Amelia's house and tell them to make sure they get their happily ever after. He never thought he'd ever be able to think about that… but he's got Cas now. He sometimes feels bad about that; Dean, the man who never saw a light at the end of their Godforsaken tunnel, got a happy ending, but Sam, the eternal optimist who always saw the light when there was only dark, is stuck by himself; alone.

He knows, though, that Sam needs to make the decision, if he ever wants to go back to Amelia and try again, it has to be him that says so.

So, chaining him to the Impala and driving him to the woman he loves is off the list.

He thinks about getting him the "Game of Thrones" box set, but knows in the end he's more likely to watch that… Sammy, as he so  _kindly_ pointed out, enjoyed the books more.

It takes about a million ideas before he lands on the one that he decides on. It's not much and Sam probably won't even _do_ anything with it, but he reckons the thought is what counts the most.

And it's so big and special that Dean turns to Cas and Kevin and asks whether they'd like to chip in and help; give Sam the present from all of his family and the second they hear what it is, they're saying yes and signing their name to the card that will accompany it.

Not to mention, it's better than anything they were coming up with, so they're not going to complain.

Now they can't wait to see Sam's face when he opens it on Christmas Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> I've decided to keep the presents mostly secret from now on, and do a big reveal with everyone reacting to it on Christmas Day! ;D


	10. Carolling

'No, no fucking way!' Dean snaps before he turns and leaves the room, leaving Cas and Sam alone; he doesn't notice the way Cas' face falls, which is definitely a good thing because it would make it harder for him to storm out of the kitchen, leaving them alone with his resolute "hell fucking no".

He is Dean Winchester; he's been to Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, he kills Demons and Shapeshifters and Wendigos on a daily basis, he's killed Angels before, he's the nightmare that the monster's warn their children about; the scary man in the dark that'll get them if they don't watch their back… he's not about to go fucking  _Christmas carolling_!

He doesn't care if it's Cas that asked him, and he normally bends over backwards just to fulfil a request from Cas, but this… this is too fucking far. The last time he sang a Christmas song, it lead to him being tied to a chair and near enough being eaten by Pagan gods.

His first and last time; he's learnt his lesson.

Then again, this wasn't a hunt; they weren't breaking into some drunk's caravan because they thought he was stealing fathers to eat them. His family - his brother, his adopted brother and his best friend; his Cas - want to go out and spread some Christmas joy. None of them can sing… well, Dean can a bit which is probably why they're so determined to drag him along, he realises, so there's something that can at least carry a tune.

This isn't them doing it to embarrass Dean, this isn't something to be embarrassed by; they genuinely want to experience the joy of going Christmas carolling, because they've never done it before. Well, apparently Kevin has when he was younger, he did it with his mom… and even Kevin's agreeing to this! Kevin, their very own grumpy, Prophet of the Lord, or Grinch as Dean's taken to calling him, wants to go Christmas carolling, and Dean, the person who  _demanded_ they do Christmas right this year, is the one saying no!

What the hell is wrong with him?

He's normally jumping at the idea of doing  _normal_ things with his family! Now, here he is, shoving them away when they actually want to do something normal; they're not doing it because they want to make Dean happy, because Dean wants to do something and they don't want to tell him no, they're doing it because the freaking  _want_ to.

He's got the nerve to call Kevin the Grinch.

He purses his lips and closes his eyes before he shakes his head. He's seriously  _considering_ this? God, if twenty-six-year-old self could see him now!

Dean trudges back to the hall of the Bunker, grabbing his coat as he goes to find Sam, Kevin and Cas.

He's in the process of pulling his coat on when he reaches them as they're just walking up the stairs and heading out the door. They stop when he calls and he jogs up the stairs to catch up with them, and when he does, he points a finger at them - though it's pointed more at Cas than anything.

'One house. I am doing  _one fucking house_ , then I am leaving your asses in the snow, understood?'

Cas nods.

'Good, c'mon!'

And though he'll deny it, he ends up doing fifteen houses and it was _definitely_ his idea to do the pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	11. Movie Marathon

Charlie stops by near Christmas, and brings a million DVDs for them to watch. Some are the classics like "A Christmas Carol" and "Miracle on 34th Street"; there's more modern ones too like "Home Alone" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", which Dean loves way more than he should. She brings "Star Wars" too, mainly just so she can geek out about it with Dean, and Dean's happy when he sees the box set, because Cas still hasn't seen the series and he's determined to make him love Harrison Ford as much as Dean himself does.

It's not the first time Charlie's met Cas, but it _is_  only the second or third time. Though, you'd have no way of knowing that with the way she jokes with him; Dean tries not to think about what it means that half the time they joke, it's over something Dean does; he's seen them share a look before laughing whenever Dean says something. There's no rhyme or reason to it! Half the time they share this look, Dean doesn't even say _much_! And it's not like what he says one time or what he says the next time has anything in common. He has no idea what those looks between Cas and Charlie mean, and truthfully, he really doesn't want to know. 

He's just happy they have moments like that; he's glad they're bonding, but is it weird they're bonding over him so much? Then again, it is the only common ground they have, so maybe that's something. 

They decided to save the more Christmas-y films for Christmas Day. Charlie's staying until then and Dorothy will be joining them on Christmas Eve, before they both head back to Oz. He's sad that Charlie is leaving again, but she's lasted this long and made it back in one piece, so she's obviously looking after herself and Dorothy's obviously helping her protect herself… it still doesn't stop him from worrying over the little sister he never wanted, though. 

So, that's how they find themselves sitting together in front of the TV, "Episode I: The Phantom Menace" playing, all of them deciding to work their way through the Prequel series before into the original three episodes. 

'So, where's Harrison Ford?' Cas questions after thirty minutes as Dean still hasn't pointed him out. 

'He's not in these three, Cas. I'll point him out when we get to him.' Dean replies bumping his shoulder into Cas' with a grin on his lips. 'You're honestly gonna love him.' 

Cas rolls his eyes but says nothing, readjusting slightly so his thigh is pressing up against Dean's, who in turn gives a small chuckle before wrapping his arm around Cas' shoulder. 

'You're an idiot.' He mutters before turning his attention back to the TV, ignoring the teasing smile that Charlie sends him and the fact that Kevin and Sam are much more interested in what Obi Wan Kenobi has to say to Anakin than they were before.

And when he's certain no-one is looking and is more focused on what Anakin and Padme are talking about, he turns and presses a kiss to Cas' temple.

'I still say you're better than Harrison Ford.' Cas declares and Dean shakes his head, a chuckle breaking free from his lips.

'Watch it, Cas,' Dean chuckles. 'You're close to blasphemy.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> sorry that these are getting shorter, but i have no time to write longer one-shots!! hope you still enjoy them, nonetheless!! ;D


	12. Presents for Castiel

There's no denying that thinking of a Christmas present for Castiel is the easiest out of all the residents in the Bunker. It's not because he's openly stated what he wants, or that they know him so well - even though they do - that they just automatically _know_. It's more to do with the fact that Cas, having been an Angel long enough to see the first fish haul itself onto the shore and watched the evolution of man first hand, appreciates anything and everything that the human world has to offer.

They know that no matter what they get the ex-Angel of the Lord, he's going to be happy about it; he's going to love it and thank them for it and use it until it's ruined and can be used no more. 

They know that there's not a lot of pressure on what to get him; no desire to do better than the last few years of nothing but porn and sweets, or sticking to tradition and buying nothing but the porn and sweets. They know that there's not need for fancy technology or the biggest, most flashiest present they can think of when it comes to Cas, because things like that are lost on him. He's focused on simplicity; he's focused on whether something is useful or not.

The man considers everyday that he gets to spend with his new family a blessing; he whispers thanks and kisses his gratitude into every inch of Dean's body when he worships it; he even _prays_ to a God that he knows doesn't care and thanks Him for Free Will, thanks Him that He gave him the chance to pull Dean Winchester from Hell. He thanks God that he brought him back to life more than once, despite every time being more of a curse than a blessing, because it means he gets to spend the rest of his life with the Winchester's. 

The idea of gifts and presents are lost on Cas. Forgiveness is a gift; patience and acceptance are presents; a fancier mobile phone is not, and he says as much to Dean one night as they lie in bed, deciding to just tell his best friend not to waste money on him, because he doesn't _need_ anything. He's got all he wants right here, inside the Bunker, in the shape of Dean, Sam and Kevin. 

He also tells Sam this when he asks Cas what he'd like and all it got him was a strange look and Sam shaking his head. 

He has no idea what he said wrong, or why Sam reacted like that, but he hopes that both him and Dean listened. He doesn't need gifts. He's got them, that's all that matters. That's all that will _ever_ matter to Cas.

Of course, when Dean and Sam get together and they realise that Cas is completely serious about this, having told both Winchester's about it, they start laughing. Dean tries, and surprisingly succeeds in, not running to his friend and telling him just what the Christmas period and Christmas presents are about.

Sure, you're going to be thankful for your family, nothing's going to compare than being surrounded by the people you love; sure, the best gift isn't what you opened that morning but instead having dinner with your family as a whole, but at the end of the day, it's the one day out of the year, where you're allowed to spoil your family with presents and show them, through trival material things, just how much they mean to you. 

Then again, Castiel is still new to the idea of presents and Christmas like this, and luckily both Dean and Sam are more than happy to welcome him to the festivities with the only present that's really suitable for an ex-Angel of the Lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	13. Church Sermon

He has no idea how he finds himself in a church the day before Christmas Eve. No idea whatsoever. He's not a church-going man, never has been, never will be and the only time he steps foot inside a place of worship is when he's really desperate and Cas isn't answering him.

Which is actually how he finds himself inside the church on the day before Christmas Eve. He can say what he wants, but he knows exactly why he's here. Cas said he was going out to pick a few more groceries up three hours ago and hasn't been back since.

He knows Cas, knows that sometimes he can get distracted if he sees a homeless person on the street; he sits down beside them and listens to their story. It doesn't matter how long or short it is, he listens if they want to talk and if not, he just sits with them and gives them the company they so often lack and wish for. He gets distracted when he sees a stray cat or dog and will spend the majority of his time building up the animal's trust so he can either pet it and see the address on its collar so he can take it home, or he spends his time trying to coax the animal closer so he can feed it and then put it in the back of the Impala. He sometimes takes them to the animal shelter, sometimes he takes them back to the Bunker if they're only kittens or pups.

The man has a heart of gold, Dean knows that. He knows that it's got nothing to do with Cas wishing to repent his sins for letting loose the Leviathans or lying to Dean or working with Crowley or disobeying and destroying Heaven. The man is good, right down to his very core because behind all his "sins" there's the urge, the desire, the _need_ to only do good. 

So he knows that Cas can get distracted and he's fine with that; he's never out plotting to be the new God or rule the world now, he's saving people in a different way, but at least he still answers his _damn phone_. 

Five times Dean's tried calling his best friend in the past fifteen minutes and the ex-Angel of the Lord hasn't answered one of them. Three hours isn't that long in Cas' book; it's completely normal and to be expected, actually, but three hours without a quick phone call or text to Dean to let him know exactly what he's doing _is_ fucking weird.

Hence the reason he asks Sam to drive him into town in one of the many car's in the Bunker's garage, but declines his brother's offers to help him search for Cas and tells him just to go back to the Bunker, something he does but isn't happy about.

After he finds him, Cas is getting banned from driving Baby for _at least_ three weeks or so. No-one takes Baby and then not fill him in on when they're coming back. 

It's hard trying to find someone when he's walking about town in the freezing cold but he makes it work. It doesn't mean he has any luck finding him though and when he heads into the supermarket that they frequent so often that the staff know them by name, he decides asking would be his safest bet instead of walking about lost like a headless chicken.

Sarah, a kind, bubbly twenty-year-old working to help put herself through college tells Dean that Cas _was_ here, bought what he needed to buy but that he didn't get into the car. She points to the church across the street and after thanking her, Dean heads out the other exit and comes face to face with Baby. 

She has no scratches on her and for that he's thankful. He doesn't need to throw a fit at Cas for scratching Baby… it's only for kidnapping her, well, carnapping. 

He makes his way over to the little church, bowing his head as he notices a few people still lingering about and he really doesn't want to be stopped and talked to. 

_That's_ how he finds himself inside a church on the day before Christmas Eve, and that's how he finds himself heading to the first pew where he sees a familiar head of near-black hair. 

Dean says nothing as he slides in besides Cas, noticing his clasped hands, closed eyes and bowed head and decides not to interrupt his prayers. He finds himself bowing his head as well; there's no thoughts in his head as he closes his eyes, but he hopes that there's something inside him - some feeling - that shows what he means; that he's thankful he's found Cas safe, and not beat up and near dead in a ditch, like he had visions of finding him. He's never prayed since Cas lost his powers, really. The only person worth praying to can no longer hear him, so what's the point?

'I'm surprised you're here.' Cas voice sounds from beside him and it's closer than he thought it would be. 

Dean doesn't open his eyes, doesn't unclasp his hands or straighten his head, but murmurs from the corner of his mouth, 'You stole my car, you think I'm not gonna look for her?' 

'You gave me the keys.' 

Dean cracks one eye open and looks at Cas, who's got his head turned to look at Dean properly. Dean shuts his eyes again.

'I gave you the keys to get the groceries. Not for a random visit to the church.' 

Cas chuckles and Dean finally opens his eyes and lifts his head, turning to grin at Cas.

There's something in his eyes, however, and he finds himself reaching out to cup Cas' cheek, unable to stop himself even though he realises that doing this in a church probably isn't the best act, but he really doesn't give a fuck. 

'You do realise you were forgiven a long time ago, right?' He mutters as he strokes his thumb over Cas' cheekbone, smiling softly when Cas leans into his palm and brings his own hand up to place it over Dean's. 

'You're under the wrong impression I was praying for forgiveness.' Cas mutters as he pulls Dean's hand away from his face and instead entwines their fingers, letting their clasped hands fall onto his thigh. 

Dean frowns as Cas stands and tugs Dean up with him, walking out of the church, past the priest and other church-goers with their hands still entwined. Neither Dean nor Cas can bring themselves to care though, as they make their way over to the Impala and Dean grins when Cas hands him the keys. 

'I hope you didn't buy anything frozen.' Dean warns as he slides the key into the ignition and puts the car into drive. 'Otherwise you're cleaning the mess up.' 

Cas just shakes his head and takes his hand once again after having to break apart to get in the car. 

It isn't until they're out of town and only five minute from the Bunker does Cas tell him that he wasn't praying for forgiveness but was instead praying to thank God for giving him another chance; for giving him Dean.

And it's enough of a reason for Dean to pull the Impala over and send Sam a text telling him they're going to be _at least_ two hours later than planned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	14. Family

From the start, Dean thought family was just his mom Mary, his dad John, his brother Sam and himself. That was his family; it was small, sometimes it was unhappy and John wasn't about often and mom cried more than she deserved to, but there were still moments of happiness; it was still  _his_ family.

His family changed, however, when his mom was killed by Azazel. He could call his family only his dad, Sam and him but even that was a lie. His family since his mom died was just Sam. His younger brother was all he had the second his mom was pinned to the ceiling and killed. Sure, he still had his father but his father was hellbent on revenge; he was hardly ever there and left Dean to look after his baby brother, something he did without thought or hesitance, but he won't deny that somewhere down the line, he realised just what a _dick_ his father was by giving him that amount of responsibility and pressure at such a young age. Somewhere down the line he started to resent and despise his father for what he threw at Dean without a second thought or concern about his wellbeing.

It's no wonder that when he thought of family, he only thought of Sam. 

There was also a time in his life when he had no-one. Sammy left for Stamford and left the hunting life and Dean behind. He still has his dad, but hearing his dad tell his baby brother that if he left for college, not to come back, awoke something within Dean. 

He was old enough to hunt by himself and after that night, he went his separate way; from both Dad and Sam. They were still his family, but if anyone asked, it was only ever him. 

When Sam came back, things were like the old times. It was just him and Sam up against the world; Dad was never there, but they found something else… they found Bobby Singer. They knew Bobby from when they were younger and their dad couldn't even be bothered taking them with him on a hunt; he dumped them off at Bobby's then. Then Bobby and John fell out and they thought they'd never see their almost adoptive father again… how wrong they were. 

So, for a time, for a long time actually, family to Dean was nothing more than Sam and Bobby. His brother and the man that was more a father to him than his own dad. It stayed that way for a long time and they survived a lot; Sammy's physic powers, Sammy dying, Dean selling his soul to bring Sam back (Bobby's never forgiving John for screwing that beautiful boy up so much) and even when Dean went and came back from Hell, they were still a tight knit family that could survive anything.

Dean never thought he'd find anyone else that would mean as much to him as Bobby and Sam mean to him. 

But then Castiel, Angel of the Lord, walked in with his stupid attitude and arrogance and his stupid _gripped you tight and raised you from perdition_  and _getting too close to the humans in my charge; you_ and just like that, he had someone else to call family. 

Things never did run smooth of course; Cas couldn't decide whether to be obedient or help Dean, but in the end, he helped Dean and permanently slotted himself in Dean's life, so irrevocably that the days he's not present seem just a little bit darker in Dean's eyes. 

Things were touch and go with his family, they always are though… Sam and Demon blood; Cas and Purgatory; Bobby and Dick Roman; Sam and sanity; Cas and sanity; Cas and _death_. 

Everything seemed determined to tear his family apart even as he gained Charlie and Kevin as the little sister and brother that he didn't really want but wouldn't replace for anything in the world. And they're still there, alongside Sam and Cas as well, and whilst Bobby's gone that doesn't mean they've forgotten about him; doesn't mean there isn't still a small present under the Christmas tree addressed for him, alongside all the other presents for his family.

There was a time Dean didn't think he deserved a family; didn't deserve _love_. Maybe at some points he didn't, with Lisa and Ben he wasn't ready for a family, but every single part of his family was gone and he needed something to put him back together, to stop him from following his brother to the Pit. 

But he's come to realise that he deserves his family, deserves every part of them and can't imagine being away from them, and he thinks his family might not be able to imagine life without him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> ugh. i don't think the last paragraph or three flow that good, but no matter how hard i try, i just can't get it to work... so here it is.


	15. Tradition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...this one may or may not be a little bit more angsty than the others...

His tradition isn't the norm. 

It isn't putting the Christmas tree up on the first day of December with all the family gathering around in order to decorate it. There's no "pass me that bauble" or "give me that bit of tinsel" or "that ornament isn't going there!" or "who wants to put the angel at the top?"… there's nothing like that.

It isn't having the presents slowly appear under the Christmas tree either; slowly and gradually, a newly bought, freshly wrapped present addressed to a certain family member finding its way under the evergreen tree. There's no presents signed " _from Santa"_ as if the white bearded man was real. There's no excited children rattling their present wondering what it is, even though they know it's going to be what they asked for.

It isn't writing a Christmas list and sending it to Santa, not finding out until years later that hey, your parents just pretended to send it to the North Pole and just went out and bought what was written in a horrible coloured wax crayon. There's no wishing that they'll get a reply from Santa Claus, there's no wondering whether or not he'll wake up and see the bike shaped present near the tree. There's none of that.

It isn't getting to play Joseph in the Nativity; it isn't writing Christmas cards with his parents; it isn't holding the piece of ribbon as his mother ties it into a pretty bow. It's nothing, _nothing_ like that at all.

His tradition is cleaning the gun just incase someone comes in and tries to hurt him or Sammy whilst Dad's out on a hunt. 

His tradition is being in cheap and sleazy motels, trying to figure out when, or if, his father would be home in time for them to do _something_ like the other families. 

It's breaking in to houses not far from the motel and stealing the first present that he reaches so Sammy has something to open when John forgets. Again. It's telling Sam that Dad's out saving lives and that's more important than being home for Christmas, even though he's pretty sure his dad is with that blonde that he interviewed instead of killing the monster. It's apologising to his brother when Dad turns up at the motel room drunk - again - and passes out on the bed without so much as a "Merry Christmas" - again. It's trying not to think of his mom because it just makes him sad, but doing it anyway.

His tradition is walking back to the motel in the snow, looking into the windows and seeing warm familial scenes; in front of the fire, children giggling loudly as they get to use the present they always wanted, mothers and fathers smiling wide as they see their child completely and utterly happy and euphoric. 

His tradition is getting back to the motel, sliding into the bed beside his brother and holding him close, knowing that right now, he's all he has; knowing that for the rest of his life, he's all he'll have. 

And whilst he's got Cas and Kevin and Charlie now… his tradition hasn't changed. He still walks by windows and wishes things were different; he still wants to break into houses to get a better present for his brother; he doesn't say his father did all he could, but instead says that he, himself, did all he could at the time. 

He still hugs Sammy and threatens not to let go because for a long period of his time, he was all he had. 

However, he's added one or two new tradition to his list now. He hugs Kevin and Charlie, telling him that they're family, the new family members he never really wanted of course, but family nonetheless. 

He still watches his family smile and feels proud that he's got a somewhat normal ending.

And he still crawls into bed and holds onto someone he hopes he never has to let go of; the only difference being it's Cas now, not Sam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	16. Mistletoe

He doesn't remember hanging the mistletoe. He doesn't remember even _buying_ mistletoe. So, how the hell is he here, underneath a piece of mistletoe that's hanging innocently above the door to the library whilst standing in front of Cas? 

Who would even _buy_ the mistletoe? There's four of them, though sometimes it's five on those rare occasions when Charlie comes back from Oz and sometimes it's six when Dorothy decides to join her, but the majority of the time, it's the four of them. Four guys. Sure, there's nothing wrong with that, but Sam and Dean are brothers and that would just be _wrong_ ; not to mention Kevin is seventeen! That's also _wrong_ and Cas… well, Cas seems to only enjoy kissing Dean anyway. 

Which is what is weird. Dean and Cas are kissing on a regular basis; they do more than kissing on a regular basis as well. Hell, most of the time they're doing more than kissing. 

It makes the need for mistletoe stupid, pointless and redundant. If Dean wanted a kiss from Cas, he just had to walk up to him, grab ahold of him and plant his lips on Cas'. Cas wouldn't protest, hell no, he'd grip back and press against him even fiercer, whatever the hell he was doing before forgotten as he focuses his attention on worshipping Dean's mouth with his own and his tongue, and sometimes, depending on their mood - read: all the time, really - his new task was instead getting Dean out of his too many layers of clothing so he can either fuck him or be fucked, _that_ depends on their mood. 

So, why the hell is he standing, staring at the mistletoe above his head when he could be doing the very thing he _enjoys_ doing? 

That's right! He's too busy trying to figure out what Kevin or Sam's angle was; did they have some ridiculous bet on; whether or not Dean would do it? Because if that's it, it's fucking stupid. Why would Dean pass at an opportunity to kiss the man he _lov_ \- likes a lot? 

Like he's doing at this precise moment. He's only promptly reminded of this when Cas' voice comes and says his name.

His eyes refocus, moving away from the innocent looking greenery and turning to meet the mesmerising sight of Cas' bright azure blue eyes. 

'What?' 

Cas chuckles, shaking his head, 'I never thought I'd see the day you'd tire of kissing me; you're normally so enthusiastic.' 

Dean gives a chuckle despite himself, his eyes flickering back up to the mistletoe. 

'I'm just trying to figure out where the hell it came from! It make no sense being here; you and me are the only ones that _are_ kissing in the Bunker, and the only ones that _want_ to be kissing in the Bunker… unless, do you think Kevin has something for Sam? 'Cause if so, I'll need to have a talk with him; the age difference isn't right -'

Dean falls silent when Cas chuckles again after rolling his eyes.

'I put the mistletoe up.' 

'Really? Why? I mean… if you wanna kiss me, you can, you know that Cas… unless… are you trying to kiss someone else? I mean, that's up to you Cas, you just needed to tell me if you didn't want to do this anymore, I mean -' He's cut off again from his almost-at-panic-station rambling when Cas sighs and presses his palm over Dean's mouth, shutting him up and stopping him from saying anymore.

'Dean, I put it up to kiss _you_ , trust me when I say the only person I _want_ to kiss is you, Dean Winchester.' Cas rolls his eyes and thinks about removing his hand from over Dean's mouth, but he has to admit, he looks a little too gorgeous with the only sight his sparkling green eyes, already hazed with lust at the unspoken, unintended promise that Cas just gave by the act. 'I just know you want to do Christmas right this  year, and mistletoe is a big part of Christmas.' 

Cas finally shrugs and removes his hand from Dean's mouth, trying his hardest not to smirk at the way Dean's face falls as he does so. 

'If you don't want to do it, you don't have to, but I had to tell you instead of it being a surprise before you go accusing Kevin or think I want to kiss someone else. I seriously didn't think you'd put so much thought into it.' 

Dean's eyes flicker towards the mistletoe once more, before they dart back to Cas and then he moves to finally - _finally!_ \- cups Cas' face and kiss him. Hard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	17. Presents for Kevin

It's safe to say the only thing Kevin really wants for Christmas is for his mom to be alive, for his life to be normal once more and to wake up and have this whole "Prophet of the Lord" malarky be nothing more than a dream - a nightmare really.

Sadly, neither Dean, Sam or Cas can swing that so they're rather stumped at what to get the young boy. There's really not much they _can_ get him, mainly because he doesn't _want_ anything other than those three impossible things. 

Dean thought Cas and Sam were hard… buying something for someone who didn't see the _point_ in Christmas presents, and buying something special for someone who _definitely_ deserved it, but now he's starting to realise that Kevin is just as hard as the other members of his family. 

It doesn't matter how often the three of them get together and try and brainstorm what to get the boy who just wanted to be the first Asian-American President of the United States, they just can't think of anything. They don't even try asking him because the last time they asked him what he wanted - it was for his first birthday that he was celebrating with them - and it lead to him ranting and raving and nearly _screaming_ about wanting things to go back to normal and to be with his family instead of stuck in some old underground hideout translating some stupid tablet that won't even help them! 

They've realised asking Kevin questions like that are just more hassle than they are worth. 

But that means thinking about it without any help. 

The meetings become more and more frequent as time starts running out and whilst they don't exactly _discuss_ it because talking aloud could lead to Kevin hearing them, the pressure of having everyone else there seems to be enough to make them think hard enough.

They still come up short, though. 

They haven't got long now, and if they can't think of anything by tonight, they're not going to be able to get Kevin anything, and what kind of thank you would that be the the boy that gave up so much just to help them? What would that look like when he wakes up on Christmas Day, his first Christmas as a Winchester, and finds nothing under the Christmas tree? 

Dean wouldn't be surprised if he walked out of the Bunker and didn't look back; wouldn't blame him either. 

Jesus, Dean needs to think of _ideas_ ; not what's going to happen when he wakes up and doesn't see a present, because that's not going to happen. Not at all. He deserves more than that. Way more than that.

_Fucking concentrate, Winchester!_

Dean runs his hand over his face but is distracted a second later when Sam speaks. 

'I've got it!' Sam declares, his voice full of wonder because _how the hell haven't they thought of this already_? 

And the second he tells Dean and Cas, they just have to agree; it's just too good and too obvious that they feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	18. Hot Chocolate

'I can't feel my fingers.' Cas complains as they make their way back to the Bunker. He has gloves on but he still can't feel his fingers, they're too cold and almost _heavy_ that there's just no feeling there. He rubs his hands together, trying to get some heat into them but it doesn't seem to help. 

At his words, Dean turns to him and takes Cas' hands in his own, gently rubbing them as they continue to walk back to the Bunker and whilst it doesn't help as much as either of them would like, Cas still feels more than enough gratitude that he leans in and presses a kiss to the side of Dean's neck.

'When we get back, I'll fix us up some hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream to warm your fingers up, all right babe.' Dean murmurs as he continues to massage Cas' fingers and when he sees the door of the Bunker, he's sorely tempted to bolt towards it, but he has a feeling his legs wouldn't cooperate with him. 

What a fucking amazing idea it was to go a walking in this ridiculously freezing cold weather!

The second they're inside, Dean pulls Cas' gloves off and throws them in the pile with other crap like scarves and such, before he pulls his off as well. The second their hands are both bare, Dean entwines their fingers together; they're both freezing and aren't going to heat each other up anytime soon, which is maybe why Dean bypasses the kitchen and heads straight for the shower room. 

Cas doesn't protest with the change in plans and when they're finished with the shower, he's more than happy to follow Dean's orders of getting changed into their pyjamas despite the fact it was only seven pm. 

Their hands are a little bit warmer than they were before, but Dean promised Cas hot chocolate, so he shoves Cas onto the couch and tells him to stay there whilst he goes to the kitchen and heats up the milk in the microwave, getting it to a nice warm but not scalding hot temperature, before he adds the cocoa powder and blitz in the the microwave for another thirty seconds just to roast it off.

He digs out the can of whipped cream from the fridge and then pulls out the marshmallows from the cupboard. He plops enough marshmallows in so that it covers the surface of the drinking chocolate, before covering that with a decent amount of whipped cream, and because he's a perfectionist that likes nice looking things, he sprinkles a little bit of powder over the whipped cream for that "professional" look.

He heads back through to Cas, who's pulled a blanket over him, his eyes shut as his head rests against the arm of the couch, but when Dean calls his name, he straightens and holds his hand out for the cup that Dean offers him.

The second his hand closes around the cup, he sighs in relief and Dean smiles warmly at him, sitting down beside him and winding an arm around his shoulder, spreading the blanket out over his legs as well and resting his cup on his thigh after taking a small sip.

And okay, maybe the walk in the freezing cold was worth it for the way Cas curls his legs up on the couch, leans into Dean's side and rests his head on Dean's shoulder. Maybe it was definitely worth it for this amount of closeness and comfort.

In fact no, there was no "maybe" to it… it was all _definitely_ worth it, he realises as he presses a kiss into Cas' hair and then another one to his nose to wipe away the cream that had gathered there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	19. Ugly Sweaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a horrible human being and should never say i'm going to update daily again!! sorry guys!! but i will finish this either by, or on, Christmas!! promise!!

It was something unspoken between them but they knew it was happening. 

The ugly sweaters. 

Dean was to buy Cas', Cas was to buy Sam's, Sam was to buy Kevin's and Kevin was to buy Dean's. It was as simple as that, really. Only, the Winchesters couldn't _allow_ it to be that simple. No, no, no. They had to turn something as simple as buying a family member an ugly sweater into a competition. 

There was a special present available to the person who managed to buy the ugliest sweater they could find. True, the present wasn't a big or glamorous gift, but it was what everyone needed. A day to do whatever the hell they wanted and no-one got to protest. 

If they wanted to marathon Dr. Sexy M.D. all day, they bloody well could. If they wanted to curl up with their boyfriend and maybe have some lazy sex wherever the hell they wanted, they were going to. If they wanted to lock themselves inside the library with a warning to not be disturbed, they could. Or if they just wanted a day out without any of the others around them… well… sure, that was going to cause a small argument, but in the end, they would be allowed. 

So, no, the gift wasn't as extreme as some other competitions may be, but it was something that got  _every single_ occupant of the Bunker eager to find the ugliest sweater.

Dean found it hard to find something so ugly for Cas that he would win… even harder to get a second away from Cas in order to buy a damn sweater too! He knows that ever since Cas Fell he doesn't like the idea of not being able to see Dean - gets uncomfortable and anxious even - because before, when he was an Angel, he could still _hear_ Dean. Now everything is silent and he likes being able to see Dean, even if it is just from the corner of his eye. 

Not that Dean complained because at the end of the day, he sometimes gets as worried about not being around Cas that he can _understand_. He doesn't want something bad to happen to his best friend again; especially when he can't shake the feeling that so many shit things could've been avoided if he had just stayed near Cas. 

But this… this is one of the times it pisses him off. He manages to talk Cas into staying at the Bunker, even manages to talk him into going a jog with Sam just to have someone to talk to - something that Dean later regrets, because this asshole now _insists_ on waking up early to go jog with his equal asshole of a brother. 

He finds one though, the ugliest sweater that he can, in a charity shop not far from the Bunker. It's no wonder that someone just gave it away, seeing as Rudolph is sorely mis-coloured. Instead of the dark brown fur that a reindeer _normally_ has, this Rudolph has creamy fur, paired by two dark antlers that look more like sticks portruding from the top of its head. The nose is the only thing accurate and is still red, but there's no denying that this is ugly as hell and would definitely win him the contest. 

Even the saleslady looked shocked when he buys it.

Sam is the one to buy next, when he's out a run by himself because his brother is gross and talked Cas out of it by the promise of morning sex - an image he really doesn't want to _think_ about - and manages to slip into a store once he's finished. It's not long before he finds something that is downright _ugly_ , and he buys it the second he sees it so he doesn't lose out on the opportunity… though he has no idea why anyone else would be it, if he's honest. 

It has a Christmas tree on the front of it, but it's not been stitched into the pattern, oh no, this has been stuck on by glue and is made from bright, almost neon green tinsel. Small baubles litter around the shapeless piece of tinsel, as if hanging off each branch and Sam's practically gleeful when he sees it because there's no way in Hell anyone could find something uglier. 

This is the exact same sentiment that Kevin shares when he buys his sweater for Dean; it's bright green and there's a red hat on it, surrounded by a lot - a lot, a lot - of fluffy white wool, that sticks out from the sweater as if it's been stuck on afterwards. It looks like a pile of snow wearing a hat, if he's honest, but somewhere, buried under all the fluffy, frayed yarn - especially if you smooth it out the right way - there's two small black beads that make up eyes.

And if Kevin's totally honest, when the eyes are visible it's more _scary_ than ugly and that's got to get him bonus points, right?

Cas doesn't really see the hideousness in any of the sweaters he sees, because they're all beautiful in their own, individual way. So, it's really hard for him to buy something that he considers _ugly_ ; there's not much on this world that he considers ugly. 

The true faces of Demons… those were ugly; a sweater that contains _every single thing_ that's considered traditional with Christmas, such as a tree and Santa and snowmen and reindeers, that was not ugly in his opinion. But everything was mushed in together with so little space to fit them in, and Santa's hat merged with a part of the snowman making it oddly shaped, and the reindeer covered the bottom half of the gingerbread man, so he decides that it'll just have to suffice and buys it. 

And well… when he looks at it a second time when he takes it back to the Bunker because he forgot what it looked like exactly, he's willing to see the ugliness in it, that's for sure.

Now, all the have to do is wait until Christmas day to unveil their ugly sweaters to Charlie, who will decide who's won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	20. Decorating

The Bunker is massive; enormous; too big for the four occupants that are regularly inside it. It's never a problem, however, they all like stumbling through the rooms and finding things they didn't know they had - like when they found out they had a torture dungeon, or a weapon room, or a _garage_. 

Then again, that was when it _wasn't_ Christmas; now the ridiculous size of it is making everyone want to curse it to Hell… and shove Dean along with it. It's all his fault after all. Sam, Cas and Kevin just thought decorating the main room would be enough, but not Dean. 

Dean, having finally found somewhere to call _home_ , wants to decorate the _entire fucking Bunker_. There's a big difference to decorating a "normal" home and decorating Dean's home. And there's no denying that the very idea of having to decorate the whole Bunker is making Sam, Cas and Kevin want to move out. 

'There's no need for it, Dean! When was the last time you thought you needed tinsel and fairy lights whilst you're torturing someone? No, in fact, when was the last time you were in the torture dungeon and _torturing_ someone?' Sam snaps and then crosses his arms over his chest once he's finished. There are many things he's willing to put up with from his brother this Christmas; this will not be one of them. 

Dean shakes his head and protests, 'It's _Christmas_ , Sammy!' He turns to Cas. 'You agree with me, right? I mean, it's only comes once a year and it's the first time we've been able to celebrate it!' 

He hopes that Cas will back him up, but then he sees Cas shake his head and all that hope suddenly crashes to the ground. And then his hope is stepped and tramped on with Cas' next words, 'No. I'm with Sam. All this effort for decorations that we won't see, only to take down one or two days after Christmas? Dean, it's pointless.' 

Sam makes a noise and points to Cas, wrapping his arm around Cas' shoulder and turning to Dean, 'See? Told you!' 

'So, where the hell do you think we should decorate?' Dean snaps and there's a glare sent towards Cas for not agreeing with him, but it doesn't stay on his face for long anyway. 

'The main room, living room, library and maybe individual rooms if we're up for it, but that's it. Maybe throw some tinsel around our Crowley ornament if you wanna.' 

Dean's eyes flicker between the three of them, Sam to Cas to Kevin to Cas to Sam and back again, before he sighs, his shoulders sagging and he declares, 'Fine.' 

He turns away and Cas shrugs out from under Sam's arm and moves to catch up with him. When they round the corner and Cas is sure that Sam and Kevin can no longer see them, he finally reaches out and places his hand on Dean's arm, stopping him straight away and turning Dean around to face him. 

'You can surely see the reasoning behind our decisions, Dean.' Cas states as he takes Dean's hand in his and rubs his thumb in circles on the back of Dean's hand. 

It takes Dean a minute or two but he finally sighs and nods his head, 'Yeah, it's just… our _first_ real Christmas, I wanted to do it right.' 

'Dean, you _are_ doing it right,' Cas states but then adds, 'Well, in _your_ sense because if we're talking about celebrating Christmas like many generations before you then I hate to say you are as far from "right" as humanly possible, but in keeping with traditions nowadays, you _are_ doing it right, Dean.' 

Dean gives a chuckle and Cas gives him a small smile in return, before stating, 'But if it's that big of a deal to you, Dean, you can drench our room in Christmas decorations as much as you want.' 

Dean's face lights up for a second, before he raises his eyebrow at Cas as if he thinks he's lying. 'You sure about that?' 

All Cas says with a smirk on his face is, 'Dean, seeing you happy makes me happy.' 

And okay, it's the soppiest thing Dean has ever heard but he leans forward and presses his lips to Cas' instead of saying the sarcastic comment on his lips, though he's pretty sure Cas can taste it anyway. 

And okay, maybe it's not as big a loss as Dean thought after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	21. Christmas Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, this turned out WAY more angsty than i ever intended, and i am so sorry because it's Christmas and it's supposed to be fluffy!! sorry, sorry, sorry!! but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

'Fucking seriously?' Dean questions as he stares at Sam in disbelief. 'You want to send out _Christmas cards_? To who? As you so blatantly pointed out before - all our friends are _dead_. Who are we gonna send cards to?' 

'It was only a-' Sam's cut off once again and he sighs when Dean starts ranting again.

'Oh, no wait! I know! We'll send it to Jo and Ellen and Ash… oops, I forgot, we got them killed. Well, what about Bobby? Nope, got him killed too! Rufus? No. Benny? No. Meg? Alfie? Victor? Mom? Dad? Jess? Lisa? Pamela? Impossible; they're all dead. 'Cause of us.' Dean grinds his teeth together and fixes his glare on Sam, even though it's not him he's mad with. His brother bows his head; looks ashamed and if Dean were in a better state of mind, he would've been sorry about dashing his brother's happiness like that. 

But he's not in a good state of mind, for all the thoughts, all the pathetic, sad and angry thoughts have come hurtling through the barrier he put up, finally shouting at him. 

He doesn't deserve to be here. He doesn't deserve this almost happy ending; he doesn't deserve to be spending Christmas with his family - the brother he loves, the other little brother he never thought he'd get, the Angel that pulled him from Hell and for some weird reason, loves him. 

Dean doesn't deserve this; he's been through too much and hurt too many people to _deserve_ something as nice as this, and the mere mention of sending Christmas cards is enough to make him realise this; make him stop pretending he's okay and that this is what he should've got from the get-go. 

'If you wanna write out cards for all of them and deliver them to their graves, then be my guest, but don't think I'm dragging up all those memories of failing them again.' Dean declares even though he knows it's too late; those memories have been resurrected and he's not even sure a shot to the head is going to make them die again.

He turns on his heel and leaves Sammy alone; he knows that sooner or later he'll calm down, realise that he's holding on to his guilt again - even though he knows he deserves it, but Cas nor Sam like it when he holds on to his guilt so he's learnt to let go, well a little anyways - and then feel bad for saying those things. 

And he'd rather feel like a failure for disappointing and hurting Sammy in the privacy in his room, than still be standing in front of him. 

He sits down on his bed - the one Cas and him share now - and buries his head in his hand, not even noticing when the other occupant of the room slips inside and closes the door. 

Not until he speaks anyway.

'You do remember that both Jo and Ellen had a _choice_ to come with us, and then to stay in that shop and detonate the bomb, right?' Cas' gravelly voice cuts through his thoughts, and his head snaps up in surprise. Dean goes to reply, but Cas just narrows his eyes and the words dies on his tongue. Cas continues, 'Bobby's death was a mistake and the only one that should feel responsible for that is _me_.' 

Dean opens his mouth to protest, but before he can even get his "but" out of his mouth, Cas is saying, 'I let the Leviathan out of Purgatory, Dean. If it weren't for me being such a fool, Dick Roman wouldn't have shot Bobby. That guilt is on my shoulders, not yours.

'Rufus was Eve's doing - creating new monsters and it just happened to get Rufus. Benny had a choice to come back, but he didn't fit in here. Purgatory was what he was used to; you said yourself there was a "purity" to Purgatory that Earth doesn't have. Meg went out fighting and wounded Crowley just like she wanted - her last act was defiance to help you go free. Samandriel was once again my doing, Dean, I was under Naomi's orders that I didn't even realise I was killing a good and loyal friend; you couldn't have stopped me and if you tried, I could've killed you as well… don't you see, Dean? _None of this_ is on your hands!' 

Dean scoffs but doesn't really say a word to protest with his reasoning. Cas sighs and walks over to Dean, hands coming up to cup his face and tilt his head upwards again. He leans down until he's just a breath away from Dean's lips, his blue eyes locked and focused on Dean's green ones. 

'You still don't believe me, do you?' 

Dean thinks about saying that he does, just to let the subject drop, but he can't do that. He shakes his head - well, as much as Cas' grasp on his face will allow. 

Cas sighs and leans his forehead against Dean's, closing his eyes and Dean feels his fingers flex against his face, as if he's fighting back the urge to tear the room apart just to make Dean understand none of this - none of those deaths - were his fault. 

Cas opens his eyes again and Dean can see the argument has once again been carefully thought out; the impulsive feeling, the desire to grab Dean by the shoulders and shake the guilt out of him has been reeled in and he's ready to try a different tactic. 

But Dean's no longer in the mood for this subject. Sure, he's always going to carry that guilt - whether deserved or not - around with him forever, and nothing, not even Cas and all his beautiful heart and soul and motives, is gonna change that. 

So, he reaches up and places his hands on top of Cas' that are still cupping his cheek, turns a little so he can press a kiss to Cas' palm, before turning back to him with a smile.

'Cas, I appreciate this, I do. Don't think I don't listen when you say this, but it's not going to change how _I_ feel about it.' Dean whispers and he doesn't know why he's whispering because it's only him and Cas in the privacy of _their_ room - which Sam doesn't even look at anymore after walking in to the sight of Dean and Cas fucking - but all of this; the topic and the words he's saying, is too much for anything louder than a whisper.

'But it's nice,' he starts up when he sees a frown appear on Cas' face, 'knowing that you and Sam and the people I care about don't share those views.' 

Cas doesn't exactly smile at that, but the frown does ease off his face, so Dean considers it a win. He moves his hands down to rub Cas' wrists and looks up at him, the smile still tugging at the corner of his lips as he does so.

'Babe?' Dean murmurs and Cas just raises an eyebrow in return. 'You gonna kiss me sometime soon or what?' 

And Cas just rolls his eyes and leans down to press his lips to Dean's, letting himself get swept up in the rush of love and heat that runs through his veins, passing it onto Dean and gently coaxing him onto his back on the mattress. 

He's still not pleased by Dean's reaction, even as he hastily tugs Dean's shirt off and fiddles with the belt on his jeans, but at the end of the day, at least Dean knows that Cas doesn't view him as he views himself. He knows that Dean still has a skewed view of himself; thinks he causes havoc and ruin with his touch instead of the love and admiration that he really does create, but Cas also knows that he's getting better and even in the short period of time of having a place to call "home", he's settled himself. 

And Cas hopes, with time, he'll start to see that every single time he touches someone, they fall a little bit in love with him, and see that when Hester said that when Cas first laid a hand on Dean in Hell, he was lost, what she really meant to say was he was found. 

This is what he hopes for, and as Dean whispers a broken "I love you" into his neck, he's starting to think it'll happen sooner, rather than later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


	22. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but I didn't really know what to do with the prompt to be honest!!

'I am confused by this tradition.' Cas states with a frown etched on his face. It's not like he's not seen them before but he still can't get used to the idea of it. 'I mean, a _reindeer_ with a red-nose? How does that work, Dean?' 

Dean chuckles and shakes his head, wrapping his arm around Cas' shoulder and pulling him into his side. 

'Cas, it's a _fictional_ reindeer. Who the hell cares whether or not it has a red-nose or not?' Dean chuckles again and presses a kiss into Cas' temple, his eyes flickering over to the cartoon reindeer that sits in front of a shop, that Cas is still staring at him with his head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed, in that confused, unsure look of his. 

'But it doesn't make _sense_.' Cas protests, his voice growing petulant and childish and Dean just tightens his hold upon Cas' shoulder, and tugs him away from the stuffed reindeer with the glowing red-nose. 

'Honestly, Cas, just forget it.' Dean chuckles as they make their way back to the Impala, a couple of bags in each hand. 'But if you're really that concerned, just Google it when we get home.' 

Cas nods his head firmly, 'Yeah, I think I will.' 

Dean chuckles again as they finally get into the Impala and he shakes his head as he starts the engine. 

'Seriously, Cas, don't ever change.' Dean orders before the Impala roars into life and they head back to the Bunker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> [HERE IS A BRIEF SUMMARY AT WHAT HAPPENED ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!!](http://deanpulledcasfromheaven.tumblr.com/post/71214085787/a-brief-summary-of-what-went-down-on-christmas-day) Sorry I couldn't write it out!!


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